


Luminescence

by lille082



Series: Burn [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types, Skyfall - Fandom
Genre: (Where did those come from?), Angst, Freeform, M/M, Now with feelings!, POV First Person, Pining, Stream of Consciousness, Unrequited Love, Unrequited feelings may be more accurate, fuck buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lille082/pseuds/lille082
Summary: Q comes to an uncomfortable realization as James leaves.Or, the one where Q suddenly thinks he’s missed something all along.





	Luminescence

**Author's Note:**

> This, in a way, could be read as a prequel to [Down The Burning Ropes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567238). There is nothing inherent in either of them that ties them together, except for the tone and the first person POV, but this fic was borne out of the other (more on this at the end).

It hits me as you roll out of bed to search for your clothes. The warm afterglow transmutes into something hollow and bitter as I watch you pull your boxer briefs over your hips.

I roll onto my side, grab my glasses off the nightstand, and prop my head on my hand to watch you dress. I try to cover the emotional crisis I’ve suddenly found myself in with a smile. You grin back when you see it. The spark in your eyes ignites something in the emptiness in my chest, and it flares brightly into being. The warring emotions feel like they’re threatening to engulf me, swallow me whole.

That connection between us—where did it come from? Has it always been there and I’ve been too dense to see it? When did things shift between us?

I ache for you to feel it too.

“James?”

You glance up from buttoning your shirt. “Yeah?”

The question suddenly sours in my mouth, and I can’t bring myself to ask it. I don’t want to know your response; I couldn’t bear for you to laugh at me.

You raise an eyebrow at the silence, and I shake my head. “Sorry. I guess…I'm just feeling off today.”

“Off?” You echo, a shadow passing over your fair features. “You’re not coming down with something, are you?”

I pick at a loose thread on the duvet to avoid your frown. “No, not like that. It’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”

You sigh and sit on the edge of the bed to pull your trousers on. I shuffle my way across the covers and wrap my arms slowly, gently around your middle. You stiffen and, for a moment, I’m worried.

Worried about having read everything wrong.

Worried about opening my goddamn mouth.

Worried about touching you.

Your hands cover mine and, for a brief moment I panic, thinking you’re going to throw me off of you.

We understood what we were getting into when we started this. It wasn’t like we discussed it because we didn’t need to. This was never about feelings or relationships—it was a matter of convenience. We wanted the same thing, so we just allowed ourselves to take it.

But doubt creeps in the darkness, and it’s like I can suddenly see the light in you. The illumination blinds me.

You take a deep breath and relax in my arms. It feels absurdly like a victory. It feels like my world’s been turned sideways and upside down at the same time. I hook my chin over your shoulder and can’t help but wonder if you let anyone else share this with you.

Your fingers slot between mine and squeeze gently.

“I need to go in for debriefing,” you sigh, and I try not to let on that I can't bear to let go of you quite yet.

I nod reluctantly, more to rub my cheek against yours, to feel the rasp of stubble on my skin than to agree with you.

“Will you be around for a few days?” I untangle myself from where I’ve attached to you like an octopus and sit on the edge of the bed next to you.

The question earns me another raised eyebrow and a smirk. “Careful, you sound like you might be beginning to like having me around.”

I scoff in mock outrage and pull a face that makes you huff in laughter. But you still don’t answer the question.

You slip your feet into your shoes and bend over to tie your laces. I watch your steady hands, your face in profile, and it feels like everything in me is deflating, leaving only that hollow disappointment once more.

I struggle to swallow around the lump in my throat as you look up at me, but those blue, blue eyes make it difficult to look away. Instead, I reach out to brush your fringe off your forehead. It's grown so long on your last mission, and it seems so out of place.

The gesture closes something down in you, and I watch as you shut your emotions off one by one, compartmentalizing as I expected you to. The transformation on your face is astounding, and it feels like a hot blade lodges itself between my ribs.

You stand with a frown and cross the room to grab your jacket off the back of the armchair.

“Text me?” I ask softly. It’s a last resort.

You don’t bother looking back at me.

“Sure, Q,” you say as you leave.

The door slams loudly and my studio feels empty.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was the result of me taking “Down The Burning Ropes” and 1) turning it into a poem where every line was a question, 2) rewriting that poem line for line with the opposite meaning (i.e. - “How can you lay so close yet feel so far away?” turned into “When did this expanse between us become so small?”), and 3) turning that poem into a short story. And thus, this was created.
> 
> My tumblr is filled with much 00Q and Bond fandom, along with other goodies. Come check it out : lille082 . tumblr . com
> 
> Thanks lovelies!


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